Timeout? I don't need your sticking timeout!

Amy and I choose not to spank. Actually, Amy chose it and I agreed. I am fairly indifferent to corporal punishment, but Amy was pretty set against it, so we give Reese timeouts.

Luckily Reese is a pretty good kid and we haven't had to give her too many timeouts, but as she is getting older and trying to exert her independence, the punishments are becoming more frequent. Still, the timeouts are a rarity.

I would think because timeouts are rare, they would be perceived as extreme and a notice to Reese that whatever action just occurred was heinous enough to deserve punishment. I would think. Reese, apparently, thinks otherwise.

Ever since we first started giving her timeouts, she gladly (almost proudly) would walk to the corner and sit down. She would not fuss and would not fight. She would walk (sometimes smiling) right to the corner and sit down. It is not as if I want Reese to cry, but some sort of remorseful reaction would be an indication she understands timeouts are to be avoided.

A very recent example of her defiance in that face of punishment happened at a friend's house. The friends have a piano that sits in an adjoining room to the living room where all of the toys were and where everyone was congregated. Reese was immediately enthralled with the piano and went into the room to bang a key. I quickly scooped her up and told her the piano was off limits and showed her the toys and her friend in the living room. The toys and friend and living room satiated her for a bit, but Reese soon went back to the piano. I quickly scooped her up and told her the piano was off limits and showed her the toys and her friend in the living room. Again, she played and was busy, but again she made her way to the piano and hit some keys. I scooped her up and sternly told her not to do that again or else she would get a timeout. I put her down and felt a little bashful that my daughter was disobeying me so openly and other people saw it. Reese played a little bit, then made her way to the piano room again. I called her name, she turned and looked at me, I told her not to go in there or she would get a timeout, and she continued to look at me but also continued to slowly inch her way to the piano room. I told her again she would get a timeout. She smiled at me, turned, walked into the piano room and hit a key. I called her name as I walked over to her, she walked out of the piano room with a smile on her face, walked over to a corner and sat down.

She knows what  a timeout means. She understands that a timeout means she has to sit facing a corner. Clearly she knows this.

Her reaction to the threat of a timeout was, "The crime is worth the time. I do not mind a timeout if it means I can play the piano."

Isn't that part of what a punishment is supposed to be, a deterrent? Some people in our society do not commit crimes because they see them as immoral. Others, however, do not commit crimes because they do not want to go to jail.

So what do you do if a criminal is not deterred by the prospective punishment? Do you increase the punishment?

Just last week I was making the bed and Reese climbed onto our bathroom sink and turned on the water. This is an almost daily habit for her neither Amy nor I encourage or allow. I had scolded her earlier about it, so this time I picked her up and physically put her in her room. She was not happy about it for about 30 seconds, then she started playing in her room.

Is it time to try out spanking? Is rulers across the knuckles too Old School Catholic School Nun? I'm pretty sure Amy (not to mention the department of social services) would not look kindly on putting a toddler in stocks (the 17th and 18th Century public punishment, not NASDAQ or Dow Jones). And waterboarding is now an international crime, and I don't want to go to The Hague because Reese kicked at the dog.

Maybe the timeouts need to be longer? Maybe they need to be more frequent? Maybe they need to be in a different place? Maybe I need to send her to her room more often?

Whatever needs to happen needs to happen, because whatever is happening now is clearly not working.